There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
