I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
