State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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