i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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