I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
