Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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