I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
