Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
