What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
