From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
