You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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