he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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