Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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