Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
