the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
