we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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