I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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