THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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