There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
