tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The power of my boobs compel you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize