im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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