First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
