He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
