Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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