so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
