Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
