I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
