I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
