ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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