Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
