if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
