yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
