Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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