life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
