i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I understand Curling. That high.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
