Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
