my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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