Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
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