I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
