you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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