ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
