Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
