I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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