ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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