I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
