i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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