Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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