He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
