We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
