I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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