Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm like, not good at living.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
