I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize