I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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