i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
