I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
