I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize