If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
