She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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