Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
