I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
