I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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