The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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