I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
