Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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