i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
