You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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