I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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