Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
