U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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