we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
