too bad you live with your parents still
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
