i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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