Apparently you make a good broom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize