my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
