you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
